Im not alone
by He will knock four times
Summary: Naruto has been crushing on hinata since before he left on his 2 1/2 yr aprenticship to jiriya. but he is convinced no one could love a jinchuriki and that hes doomed to be alone. can hinata change his mind? naruhina
1. dear reader

Hello everyone. I decided that I would change stuff up. If an effort to organize and de-confuse my work I'm putting all my 'dear reader' responses in one page. They will be in the order I wrote them and their will be probably two authors note a chapter. I've decided that the authors notes will no longer accompany the chapters themselves and that you will have to come back to this page if you want to hear from me. Ready? Here it goes:

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4-30-10:

Hello dear readers! Salutations, greetings, top of the morning/afternoon/evening and any other greeting under the sun.

As many of you might have already read my "I'm not alone" project I'm really glad you did.

Now none of you panic with the news I'm about to deliver: I'm shelving said project for a while. Actually I'm technically not even shelving it as there will still be updates but it just won't be as often as they use to be. It's probably going to go from the 3-5 day update time frame to 2 weeks at the most.

The reason for this is simple. My work quality.

I got to tell you something about my creativity folks; it's like a glass of water you leave sitting there undisturbed. At first it's good but soon it starts to taste funny and before long it's gone stagnant and flat.

I intend for "I'm not alone" to be this massive awesome project that is longer than 35 chapters and I intend for these chapters to be even bigger. I might even go back, combine old chapters and make the new ones just as large as the combined chapters. Imagine chapter one completely edited and fixed of all errors and chapter two on the same page along with one. The chapters are going to be that big. I'm going to be a brutal taskmaster on myself to get those chapters long and with good quality. Its going o take creativity and a big vocabulary (something I'm certain I have both of).

I also have some creative ideas, drama, new characters, events and awesome plot bunnies (that I hope will blow your mind) in store for the "I'm not alone" project in the future. But as I said my writing quality goes downhill if I keep a one track mind for too long. Think of it as an add child whose reading a book. I have to find something to wake my head up again and bitch-slap awake my creativity bones. To that end I'm going to take up a second writing project and will be switching back and forth between these writing projects. I hope I can do well.

This is also a story I have been wanting to do for a long time. I'm no master silver-tongued writing genius but I pride myself in the ability to make up characters complete with back stories, facial features, habits and quirks quickly and finding ways to make them slide their way into the story.

I promise that I will do no more than two (2) stories at once so that I don't forget about any of my projects.

*giggles* I'm not telling you the plot of my new story-your going to have to find that out if you read it. _(heh. I'm so evil. They so don't know I'm creating a blood relative of Naruto's who will take him out of Konoha for a couple years and then return with him or that it will be an adorable naru-hina with Hinata and Naruto being childhood friends. Nope. Completely unaware of my diabolical plans.) _

In other news:

"I'm not alone" story stats: Reviews: 68 hits: **7,736** favs: 34 alerts: 41

Its gotten popular… *sniff* my little baby is growing up. We have already passed the 50 review mark and I have over **5,000 hits! **I'm going to need someone to take a sewing needle to my head to keep from swelling over this.

Keep reviewing guys. I love reviews, big informative reviews. Keep reading too.

-He will knock four times.

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7-9-10

Dear readers,

Many of you are probably pissed as hell and wondering why I haven't updated yet. Well in my efforts to double the amount of words per chapter I combined chapters. Somehow somewhere in the process I accidentally deleted part of the chapter 5. Well… more like all of chapter 5. When you loose a major chapter part it kind of burns you out on a story. That's when I started writing my other story. I managed to recover some part of the story but now I'm going to have to rewrite the chapter from scratch. And yes I am picking up the story again so you can call off the lynch mob now.

I came up with new ideas for the I'm not alone storyline. It's got more drama going on than an episode of jerry Springer. (seems like every week someone is cheating on someone in that show. I only watch it because then I can look at my family and go 'we are all right. Its not so bad to be around them'.)

I also want to ask something. Im a lazy person and we all know it. if by some miracle of fate some of you there decided to copy down my work to a word document for a read, NOW would be the time to send it to me. I am not entirely sure I can write the chapter as well as I did before or if I will remember everything I'm supposed to write. So it would be AWESOME if you guys have it.

In other news im going to be focusing on the "im not alone" project again so put down the pitchforks people. You aren't the villagers and I'm not Frankenstein. It has come to my attention though that some on my work needs revising to make sure things are of good quality so I will be taking down the chapters and resubmitting them. I promise that I will have the lost chapter rewritten and back up as well as a new chapter ready hen I resubmit them so be prepared for that.

Till next time-

-He will knock four times

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9-4-10

Dear readers:

wow has it really been so long? well im back. sorry about the wait.

Alonzy Alonzo. always wanted to say that.

-He will knock four times


	2. Chapter 1 Prologue

In the dim glow of firelight and coals that cast its shadows off of the trees like dancing phantoms that eternally battled with the darkness were two men. The fire lights embers and sticks heat were burning out and the little light left was flickering makings light dance back and forth in lazy swaying motions off of the copse of vegetations and trees that surrounded the men in question, just barley illumination the surroundings. It was a grassy knoll with perfectly green sweet grass and no rocks, jagged or otherwise, to be seen anywhere that would ruin the peaceful and clearly well chosen campsite. The only rocks present were neatly lined up in a circle around the fire to prevent a forest fire. A dusty road could be observed through the trees, right next to the camp. Stars could be observed twinkling, blinking bright and merrily in a dazzling array of colors displayed in a cloudless sky. The moon was a beautiful full one illuminating what little the fire failed too light up. A stream or a brook could be heard gurgling nearby and the air was fresh with the smell of wild flowers and smoke from the fire. Bugs and crickets were making a musical night production and their sound was the only thing apart from the crackling of a fire that interrupted the silence of the clearing. There were no animals in the clearing but some nocturnal ones came peered curiously, drawn by the smell of meat and the light of a fire. But these creatures were soon chased off by the sight of two large animals inhabiting the clearing. Apart from the two human men in the glade and the bug population the open space of trees was empty and deathly quiet.

The two men in question were rather still and he shadows from their bodies didn't make much darkness. The first one was clearly the younger of the two and was asleep curled up in a sleeping bag and looking more peaceful and quiet than he had ever looked awake. His hair was golden yellow looking and spiked out wildly over tan bronze skin. There was a telltale whiter patch of skin in the youth's head that was barley noticeable but it was clear he wore something around his forehead regularly. Whatever this item was that he wore around his forehead clearly prevented his hair from dragging in his face because at the moment his hair was covering his eyes and other parts of his head. His hands were fisted and just barley peeking out of his sleeping bag held close to his chest. The boy clearly was asleep with his eyes closed and the only sounds made by him were the occasional mumbles and rhythmic breathing. The boy looked to be of the mid teens and he slept facing the fire. No bright grin adorned his face and his eyelids concealed his usual mischievous twinkle that usually suggested he was up to something that was not good for everyone else.

The other man in the darkened glade was in stark contrast with the first. For one, the man was awake and the first was asleep. The man was elderly and the first was young. The older mans hair was long and hung down his back and the firsts short hair went no farther than past his shoulders. The man in question was simply taking watch quietly and looking fondly at his young sleeping student and protecting him from potential danger. He had done this many times before; staying awake long after Naruto slept while casting his keen sensing abilities far and wide for potential danger. The second man that was still awake in the grove of thick wild trees was older, much older to the point that he looked to be forty five maybe fifty, with silver white spiky hair grown to a magnificently long hair length held back with only a ponytail. The man had two spikes of shorter white hair that was left out of the ponytail and would have draped across the mans face if not for the curious, horned head protector. It was curious for the simple reasons that it was wider than normal headbands, it was horned and it had not a village insignia or symbol but the kanji for 'oil' engraved upon it. The man had on his usual bright red jacket, beige green pants and shirt. His feet were bare and the shoes that were clearly his were geta sandals lying next to him, conspicuously absent from his body.

The soft light radiance of the fires embers and flames just barley almost revealing enough of his elderly face and body to display his red line tattoo's that ran down his face and the fishnet shirt covering his chest. He had a kunai that he was using to absent mindedly poke and prod the fire with. He had a slightly amused grin on his face that went so wide his eyes were nearly closed shut. The man also seemed to be stifling laughter and snickers whenever his student mumbled unintelligibly in his sleep. The man laughs because his usual entertainment of the night, when he wasn't of at women's bathhouses or the red lantern district, was just about to begin and it took the form of his sleep talking student.

Jiraiya snorted and struggled to stifle another bout of laughter at the thought of it. It figures that Naruto couldn't even stay silent, still and peaceful even when he was asleep. Only Naruto, master of pranks and the unpredictable could pull off the impossible by managing to stay active and asleep at the same damn time.

The poor boy had been sleep talking about a girl since they left Konoha two and one half years ago and possibly even longer. one night on the first month mark when his student had gone to bed early after a very grueling training session Jiraiya had been quite surprised to hear his student sleep talking. Kept going on and on about a girl mumbling her name with slightly pink cheeks. It quickly became apparent that he was smitten with the girl and Jiraiya couldn't stop laughing. Jiraiya had been waiting a very long time for the opportunity to tease him mercilessly about his crush. It had been two and a half years since he had taken the blonde as his student and he had yet to tease him like he normally would have. Jiraiya would have done it by now but he had realized that he needed to keep Naruto as focused as possible with Akatsuki floating around just waiting to kidnap him.

During their training a year ago Jiraiya and Naruto had the misfortune to be ambushed and Naruto was in no way strong enough to hold Itachi off. Naruto had nearly gotten taken and Jiraiya still shivers at the threats Tsunade had made against his manhood when Jiraiya asked her for a training trip with Naruto. When it became apparent that Naruto needed his training stepped up Jiraiya was forced to give up his laid back teaching style that involved lots of liquor and sleep in favor one where he was actually awake and instructing. There were a few rare opportunities to take jabs at the brat and Jiraiya would think about saying something every time the damn kid started calling him 'pervy sage' or 'ero-sennin' but somehow Jiraiya would develop a damn conscience and keep his mouth shut. Hell of a bad time to develop a conscience in Jiraiya's opinion because he was loosing his mind from boredom. He hadn't peeked, 'researched', or gotten wasted in nearly _**three years**_.

Jiraiya had heard Naruto claim that his female teammate Sakura Haruno was his first crush and had even seen the boy try to hug the girl during the time Jiraiya had been teaching him toad summoning. The aged toad sage remembered the girl in question and shuddered. The parallels were all too obvious to Jiraiya. The Sakura girl was far too much like his old teammate Tsunade with a violent short temper and a killer punch when angry. If the girl had blond hair instead of pink Jiraiya would swear up and down that Tsunade had gone and had a daughter with telling him. The gaki had even been punched straight into the other side of the street when he had attempted to hug her, something eerily reminiscent of his own days as a new Genin. And yet every night it was the same thing, the kid would go to bed exhausted from a full day of training and Jiraiya would stay up late scanning the forest around them with his advanced ninja skills to ascertain whether or not all was safe. If things were deemed safe Jiraiya would stay awake a little longer just to hear his student sleep talk. It was amusing to say the least but it made Jiraiya genuinely happy that Naruto had found someone. But ever since he'd had the kid and taken him on the training mission he had hear a different name than 'Sakura-Chan' come from the gaki's mouth during his nightly dreams.

Although amusing and funny Jiraiya was certain that the kid would probably stop thinking of the girl given sometime on the road and some of the distractions his training; after all even the brightest and fiercest of flames usually die-out given enough time if unrequited. Jiraiya had never been more dead wrong in his life if he had tried. It had been two and a half long grueling years filled with ten thousand different training exercises and jutsu's, towns and bazaars, traveling and people, curious places and curios of all shapes and sizes. Yet this girl he was so smitten with was still haunting his dreams every night like some sort of teasing temptress siren call he couldn't resist even if he wanted to.

Nearly every night the brat would dream and mumble her name. He obviously had it bad for the girl.

before whenever he had taken the kid with him, like when he went searching for Tsunade to become Hokage the kid rarely sleep talked and it was usually something stupid like ramen or becoming Hokage. Not that Jiraiya would begrudge the kid his dreams and Jiraiya had been told that even he on occasion sleep talked. Jiraiya was worried though, as of late the closer they got back to Konoha the more the kid had been having nightmares. The dreams were horrible ones that seemed to tear at Naruto by the looks of it leaving him with darkly rimmed eyes and yawning a lot. Jiraiya had never managed to find out what they were about because Naruto was quiet during them and Jiraiya only knew they were nightmares because Naruto would shoot up in a sitting position with cold sweat. Jiraiya never even knew why he was having nightmares since they were returning home. He should be happy. Despite the obvious sleep deprivation going on Naruto somehow managed to stay active and going, going, going all day; a feat which leaves Jiraiya feeling old and wondering how Naruto gets all that energy.

Jiraiya notices his student sleep get deeper and a little more restless. He observed silently as Naruto slightly blushed and smiled and roll from his side to his stomach. Jiraiya smirks as the blonde finally stops shifting restlessly, a slight blush still coloring his cheeks and face. Naruto's lips part sucking in a breath to mumble "… mmm… my sweet… Hina-Chan…".

_Heh Heh. The kid has got it __**really, really**__ bad. The training trip is coming to an end and my sources tell me that Akatsuki has backed off by now. It should be safe to loose the serious attitude since we are close enough to Konoha. I want to see his face when I make fun of him. Aw hell I'll do it tomorrow. I better keep my camera at the ready on me so I can forever remember (and show others) the look on his face. I remember the look on his face when I taught him information gathering by having him flirt. I told him it would also be useful to get any girls he wanted; kids eyes glazed over and he smiled like he had just been told all his wildest dreams had just come true. Probably figured this would come in handy for asking out this Hyuuga girl. Wonder if I can use this in my latest Icha tactics novel: "Brashest youth meets the shyest rabbit." I really like that. Kid will never know I did it anyways since he never reads my work. Like a KID could understand or appreciate my works of art._

Jiraiya fought back a big yawn with some difficulty and shifted his weight and body to get more relaxed. Jiraiya then threw his aged silvered haired head backwards and up to face the stars and to examine the heavens to get an idea of what time it was. Ah. It was nearly twelve at night. Only a short hour had passed by since his young apprentice had fallen asleep and it had taken the usual thirty minutes before he started talking in his sleep. Jiraiya had started the first watch because even if Akatsuki was around there were sure to be bandits or thieves. It was more paranoia than anything that caused Jiraiya to bother with watches because this WAS the Konoha forest and no band of thieves with a sane and rational mind would attempt to set a bandit camp up in the Konoha forest. The moment they tried to steal from someone Konoha would hear about it and the thieves would be dealt with faster than a frog in the Aburame compound. They were only a week's walk away from Konoha (or a three day run for a ninja) and the kid couldn't have been giddier. The kid had been daydreaming more and more of late, spacing out at the oddest of times and it would take a pretty violent kick to wake him up. Naruto had even walked into a wall while day dreaming in a dazed sort of way yesterday, complete with a blush and a smile with vacant eyes on his face.

Kid claimed he was just happy to be retuning to Konoha. Course Jiraiya knew it was for different reasons than the boy claimed he was so happy. Granted the brat might also be happy to be returning to Konoha. Naruto was like Minato in that way, fiercely loyal to Konoha even until the bitter end. Jiraiya fully expected the kid would try to track down 'Hina-Chan' so that he could bumble horribly in an attempt to ask the girl out. Jiraiya remembered the girl in question. Jiraiya had even met her on occasion at the hospital after the defection of the Uchiha. First time Jiraiya had met her was when he caught spying on Naruto during training in the month that led up to the Chunin exams. Jiraiya could not have been more delighted with the choice. Jiraiya had even known the girls mother because Minato and Hiashi were good friends in the days before the demon attacked. Hinata was a Hyuuga and was going to be every bit as beautiful as her mother. She was also kind and sweet and most of all she obviously wanted to jump the clueless boy's bones.

It was very amusing at first to Jiraiya that Naruto had picked up his fathers clueless idiocy and endlessly oblivious nature to women but it was also something that made the womanizing toad sage cry with shame. Every where they went on their travels women were flirting with Naruto left and right and he never understood why they were acting that way. The boy was handsome and was every bit of the heart stopper his father was in terms in looks now that he was taller, more mature looking, and Jiraiya managed to get the kid to wear mostly black instead of the OH-DEAR-GOD orange he had been sporting. The kid had even started to use his head more and got smarter. Naruto used to scream regularly and rush head first into things. Jiraiya had done a miracle and managed to change that. Now Naruto slowed down and _thought_ about what it was he was doing _before_ he did something. Now Naruto talked in regular tones that any other person used on a regular basis, not screeching in decibels that only Gai and Rock Lee could understand. Naruto understood when to whisper and could come up with logical reasons as to why. Jiraiya had even worked wonders on Naruto's short temper. Overall Naruto was calmer and didn't brag as much.

Jiraiya had expanded Naruto's range of jutsu's and had even started him on his element train. Naruto's element is wind. Jiraiya still had a large grin from that one because he safeguarded Minato's jutsu scrolls for Naruto. Naruto didn't realize that he had inherited his father's element and was learning from his own fathers training scrolls and notes. Naruto had even wrote down his own ideas and actually improved the scroll.

This cute red headed girl his age had come up to Naruto one time asking to "eat lunch" with him (she even made pretend air quotes when she asked him), eyeing him hungrily and the idiot had said "sorry I need to get back to training." The poor girl looked completely crushed and Jiraiya fumed angrily that the idiot didn't understand he was being asked out on a date with such a beautiful girl. One particularly voluptuous woman with black wavy hair a year or two older than him tried batting her eyelashes at Naruto and Naruto asked if she had something her eye. Another had actually walked up and interrupted their training, and boldly asked if he "had a wallet in his pocket or was he happy to see her" and the kid didn't understand what she had meant. Jiraiya couldn't believe it. The girl had practically shoved the obvious intent in the boys face and he STILL didn't fucking get it. The girl was being about as subtle as a rock to the face and Naruto didn't realize he was being hit on. The last straw however, the thing that made Jiraiya curl up into a ball and cry for hours with shame was when a girl who had been hanging out with him while they were at this one town for Naruto's stealth training actually told Naruto "I like you". She had told Naruto she had feelings for him and been damned blunt about it. Naruto being, well Naruto, had promptly said "I like you too, you're a good friend." The girl had dumped her food on him and walked away leaving behind a confused Naruto covered with yakitori. After that Jiraiya needed a strong, strong drink and some serious thought about Naruto's future.

Jiraiya glanced at the sleeping youth in question and was once again assuaged with memories of a young boy with golden yellow hair and periwinkle blue eyes he had once known. A once-youth that had long since passed away, left the world of the living and looked remarkably like the 15 year old the toad sage was looking at now.

Naruto had grown considerably tall for his age due to an absence of a ramen filled diet. Jiraiya still remembers the height he had been beforehand and how Naruto had shot up within the first month of travel after being forced to eat like a regular human being. His hair had grown longer with two prominent spikes of hair hanging down to the bottom of his cheeks. Another plus in Jiraiya's opinion because the girls had been all over him and Naruto also looked more regal and like a ninja to be reckoned with. His face had angled out and had long since lost its baby fat. Naruto's face had been round as a fat beach ball and now his face and head was a handsome oval shape. Another plus that made women everywhere they went chase the boy. His body had filled out with thick strong arms, a broad back and shoulders complete with compact muscular legs. Naruto had been strong but hadn't been able to build muscle very well despite being a little training demon. So no matter how strong he was in the past he always ended up looking like an bright orange twig. Jiraiya had been able to correct that with a proper diet and training regimen, not only making him stronger but also look like a strong ninja and attractive. His skin which had always been a little brown had tanned light bronze considerably from hours of rigorous training and working under the harsh and unforgiving sun. To sum it up, not only had he grown in leaps and bounds in physical and mental strength but he was what women usually described as 'tall, dark and handsome'.

Naruto was his father in miniature. His face was still slightly rounder than his fathers had been, giving him just a hint of his mother in his face. He had the same mull-headed stubbornness and a temper as fiery as Kushina's vivid red hair that she was known for. But he was his father's son no less and Jiraiya felt like he had Minato back sometimes when he talked with Naruto. When Jiraiya was younger he was as loyal as the anbu but it still amazed him how loyal Minato had been when he had agreed to train Minato. It was almost as if Minato lived, ate, slept, and breathed Konoha. It wasn't by any means an obsession in Jiraiya's opinion, merely that Konoha was his home and life; something Minato would do anything for. A sentiment Jiraiya shared. So it felt like he was sitting with Minato once more when he saw just how loyal, loving, and willing Naruto was when it came to Konoha. Jiraiya had seen that same passion and dedication to Konoha, its people, and his comrades and friends. That zeal to love Konohagakure, the fire country and its people no matter what and protect it to the bitter and dark, terrible end.

Jiraiya loved Naruto for that but at the same time he could not comprehend it. He could understand for everyone else but he didn't when it came to Naruto. Jiraiya had heard some things about his godson's childhood from old Sarutobi and it made Jiraiya ashamed he couldn't be there for Naruto. But Jiraiya wanted to hear it from Naruto himself, to get the kid to let out some of that anger and sorrow. Jiraiya had finally forced Naruto to tell him about his childhood when Naruto had woken up screaming from a nightmare, something the kid didn't want to do. Not even threatening to stop his training had got the kid talking. That alone told Jiraiya that Naruto really didn't want to think or remember about it, much less speak of it. It had taken a lot of convincing to get the kid talking and even then Jiraiya had gotten the bare minimum of information. What little Jiraiya HAD gotten still made Jiraiya's hackles raise and his blood turn acidic with bloodlust at the brief amount of information he had received. It made Jiraiya feel bad about every time he had caught the kid hording food. It wasn't because the kid was greedy, Jiraiya realized, but because he had just gone hungry so many times or gone dumpster diving for food more time than he could count when he was younger and feared going hungry again. Jiraiya's respect for his dead sensei, old monkey face, had taken a serious hit the day Jiraiya came to realize this.

After Jiraiya had heard a little about Naruto's harsh childhood things about Naruto started to make sense and they were obvious. All you had to do was look closely. It explained Naruto's eating habits. Naruto had never been allowed in any restaurants or stores back in Konoha and so he was forced to eat ramen twenty-four-seven. It wasn't by choice. Naruto had always eaten extremely fadt and now Jiraiya realized it was because his food was always taken from him when he was younger in an attempt to starve him. Naruto also had never realized that food that wasn't ramen could actually taste _good_ because the food given to him by the orphanage caretakers were always rotten or made purposely disgusting. Naruto had absolutely refused to say anything more about his time in the orphanage other than about the food; something that concerned Jiraiya.

Jiraiya had been shocked to realize that Naruto didn't like orange as much as he claimed. It was just Naruto's excuse for wearing the hideous, neon orange jumpsuit with the fur collar. Naruto never _said _he didn't like orange or that he wasn't obsessed with it like he claimed but Jiraiya knew when he was being lied to. The orange jumpsuit was the only thing he **could** afford because they constantly overcharged him or kicked him out of the store as well as it was the only thing they would sell to him. Jiraiya realized that Naruto had the ability to hide so well at such a young age because he HAD to learn fast or else. Villagers were vengeful and vindictive, cruel and without empathy when it came to Naruto. Naruto had been sent to the hospital more times in one month than the anbu mortality rate during wartimes.

What really angered Jiraiya was when he learned that Naruto wasn't comfortable being touched by human beings, even hugs made him nervous. It made Jiraiya's blood burn with fry to realize that Naruto just wasn't familiar or used to those bits of affection like hugging or pats on the head. No, instead human contact made him uneasy because ten years of physical and emotional abuse made him expect to be hit instead of hugged. It was practically conditioned into Naruto. Naruto just hid this fact a little better than some of the other things that the toad sage had learned and forced himself to not shy away from others.

Jiraiya also realized that Naruto was somewhat of a street rat with the things he knew and the people he could be comfortable with. It was a testament to Naruto's hardships and it taught Jiraiya a little more about the childhood Naruto wouldn't talk about without being forced to. The fact that Naruto knew how to keep warm without a fire by taking leafs, rags or even balled up bits of paper and shoving into your shirt or jacket made Jiraiya livid. Or that Naruto knew that if you were sleepy, cold and didn't have enough money for a hotel that sleeping in the alleyway behind a clothing washer and dryer business was the best because "the heating vents they have there keep the area warm". Jiraiya was pissed off at the village of Konohagakure because Naruto had practically bounced off the walls in excitement when he was given a new pair of shoes when Jiraiya discovered the old ones were about five years old and falling apart. Receiving a free pair of brand new and unused shoes had actually made his day!

Naruto was easily able to get along with hobos and prostitutes, thieves and liars, runaways and crazy people who wandered the streets, knew how to recognize the cutthroats and murders as well as to avoid them. Naruto was an excellent judge of character and knew better than to trust someone at face value, could wind his way through crowds and navigate hidden back alleys of cities he has NEVER BEEN TOO before, can spot at first glance a pickpocket and successfully stop it before it happened. And while Jiraiya thought it was horrible that a twelve year old had this sort of knowledge and experience it was also a plus for someone in the ninja arts.

But at the same time Jiraiya had grown a sort of angered and bitter resentment about his late sensei's incompetence when Jiraiya learned some other unsavory qualities about his apprentice's upbringing. For one thing: **Naruto could barley read**. It was true. Naruto had barley begun to have been taught the bare basics when he was six, by a grudging Chunin who then went to jail for six months by refusing to obey the Hokage's orders after the third reading lesson. After that seven more Chunin and one Genin went to jail for refusing the Hokage's orders and wouldn't even have a first lesson with Naruto. Sarutobi had tried to teach Naruto himself but with his own son and grandson, the ever busy job as Hokage and the council's subtle efforts to stop Naruto's growth, Naruto couldn't even read the most basic of sentences without trouble when Jiraiya had taken him in as an apprentice. It was a wonder that no one noticed the real reason Naruto avoided writing up mission reports or the real reason he failed the academy two times. It was a freaking miracle that the kid had been able to understand the scroll of sealing all those years ago and learn the Kage bushin move. This and the fact that he only had had a few hours to learn a extremely hard A rank move made the kid a damned genius to rival the Nara's in Jiraiya's opinion.

Jiraiya had only discovered this when he caught Naruto pretending to read a jutsu scroll upside down and even then Naruto didn't admit it until he had forced him to. Naruto had been ashamed but Jiraiya assured him that it was nothing to be ashamed about and that it was the villages fault. Jiraiya had taught Naruto to read himself, slowly correcting Naruto's writing mistakes and teaching him good penmanship, how to read words and eventually full sentences. After six months, at the age of fourteen, Naruto was finally literate. It turns out Naruto actually enjoyed reading and learning because the boy sucked up the knowledge like a sponge whenever Jiraiya gave him a scroll. It did not matter what the subject was: botany, geography, fauna and flora, psychology, math, ninja theory, fiction, and even politics. Naruto sucked in the information faster than he sucked food; another habit that gives Jiraiya a clue as to Naruto's childhood. Naruto was now a fluent reader and he loved it, though he still had trouble sometimes.

Jiraiya remember his late prized student and his wife-in-secret and mourned despite the sense of pride he'd glow with at their memories. Now it was up to him to guard his god-son and protect him. He wanted his god-son happy and be dammed if it meant the only way to do it was getting the kid a girl he was going to get the kid a girl!

"Hinata…" Naruto mumbled sleepily, a content beatific smile gracing his features, startling Jiraiya out of his musings. Looking skyward once more Jiraiya realized he had been thinking for more than an hour and that it was about midnight if not later. Searching the forest for chakra signatures and finding none he decided it was time to get some sleep because know Naruto he was going to be begged for more last minute training.

Jiraiya laid down, sighing tiredly and shifted for a more comfortable position. He was contemplating the biggest and most galling obstacle of all for his plans to get Naruto a woman. Or more correctly 'Hina-Chan'.

The biggest problem was getting Naruto to accept his generous help.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

dear readers,

See? Im back and better than ever people! I'm going to be doing this in every chapter: going back and adding stuff, changing things, more descriptions, adding plot bunnies I wish I had thought of sooner, and generally just making the story better. I felt like for my first fanfiction there wasn't much character development or much of anything going on. So I fixed it up. Besides this allows me to add in ideas I hadn't thought of yet. If I had tried throwing them in later on in the story it would have felt like the canon. Kishimoto left some major plot holes in the canon am I right or am I right? For one I don't get how Naruto wouldn't have been able to notice the kage bushin method being used and then the subseuent memories recieved. Its only his signature move. Seems to me after the 5,600th time you would have said "heeeyyy… something feels different…" Seems to me kishi only added that bit in after the time skip and hoped no one would think it odd that Naruto hadn't noticed yet.

See what I'm talking about here is my major pet peeve when it comes to fanfiction: the "oh-this-would-be-cool-just-add-it". This is what happens when someone has a plot or an aspect of the story that's important but then they get a brilliant idea and instead of going back and changing things so that idea can be feasible and make sense they just toss it into the story and hope for the best. This creates plot holes and _I cant friggin stand plot holes_. Its like the titanic to me, the story is great and then some asshole that ends up dooming you all screams into the communications phone "**full speed ahead!**"

There. Rant over. Anyways, I'm much happier with my work than I was before. Proud really.

Till next time.

-He will knock four times


	3. Chapter 2 New hopes and dreams

She was beautiful and as beautiful as her name suggested. Lavender eyes that sparkled in the sunlight with black blue short locks of soft hair that shone like the night sky and pale creamy white skin as smooth as silk; these were the images that danced through his dreams every night. The black hair he had dreamed of touching was short yet made her seem more feminine in his eyes. Two identical trails off smooth black hair in sections framed that perfect heart shaped face with creamy ivory pink skin. A heart stopping smile full of sincerity that he had seen many times in real life and his dreams. Beautiful eyes perfectly matching the color of a perfect mother of pearl that held love for him.

Love for the unworthy. Love for _him_ out of all the people. _Him_, the least likely to get any love. Hinata… sunlight and sunshine was her namesake and how utterly perfect and beautiful. She was sweet natured, determined and being near her made him feel unaccountably warm as only a cloudless summers day could. These dreams he had almost every night of Hinata were the happiest things he could think of. He would be lying if he said he hadn't had any of _those_ dreams which meant a very icy cold shower while Jiraiya was still asleep but mostly they were things that by others standards could be considered mundane.

Most people might have thought dreams such as eating together boring but to Naruto spending everyday training mostly training on his own to come to an empty apartment was plain depressing. The idea of someone just for him, someone who would love him at all had been his dream and it had originally been the stem of his dream for Hokage until he found more honorable reasons to become the fire Kage. When he was younger he used to say he would become Hokage so people would respect him and he would show them all. Naruto now realized that had been a very selfish, immature point of view. The Hokage didn't gain power to serve himself but to protect the village. It may have been a part of growing up but to whatever caused the change in his being to stop those foolish self serving ideals he was grateful for. All he had ever wanted was to be loved and for some reason he thought being Hokage was the way to do it. Naruto knew better now. Love was earned through hard work and honorable actions, not bought with powerful positions.

Most of Naruto's dreams involving Hinata were of things that were extraordinary to him. Having never known the love of family or the gentleness of human beings in general growing up to be loved or some sign of affection was wonderful and new. Holding hands, eating together, hugging, touching, kissing and soft 'I love you's' whispered in each others ears danced through his mind in happy phantasmal, extraordinary fantasies. This one was no different. He could already see himself greeting Hinata at a beautiful home, still marveling that she wanted to be HIS wife, picking up a beautiful indigo black hair little boy with his blue eyes. Possibly a little pale eyed, blonde haired little girl. Family… such an alien, odd term to him. He understood the concept himself because he had spent many afternoons in the park, on the streets jealously looking at other kids with their parents. He never understood why other kids wanted to live on their own and the freedom of no parents when he'd trade his hiate (something he insisted they would have to pry from his cold, tightly clenched, dead fingers) just to spend one day with them.

Naruto knew he wasn't particularly sharp, especially when he was younger. But how in kami's green earth did he notice Hinata more while in the academy, or even after he left it? Naruto supposed it was because she was a quiet non-arrogant girl, a far cry from the other stick-up-ass jerks she had for a clan. Neji had proven to be as obnoxious as he had heard about the Hyuuga and Naruto was glad he had beaten the arrogance out of Neji during the Chunin exams. When Naruto had finally realized what a beautiful girl Hinata was he had completely screwed it up to hell and back. He had called her 'dark' and 'weird' because she always fainted all the time. Hinata had caught his attention during the Chunin exams when she had called him a proud failure and encouraged him when he was considering giving up. Naruto had never had someone encourage him before. It had always himself he had to encourage him. When he was down he had no one else to turn to anyways. There was Iruka sensei but Naruto found it hard entrust his feelings to others. Something he had been working hard to change. He had also never really thought about the shy kunochi before; after that he started noticing her more.

In the coming months before Sasuke's defection from Konoha he had found opportunities to talk with her or go on missions with her. He'd even gone and had lunch with her. He learned more and liked what he saw. She was strong and he couldn't fail to notice that she was beautiful. It was so damned obvious. What the hell had he'd done to not notice this? No one needed a brick in the head to notice how attractive she was. As long as he could remember Hinata had never laughed at him when he said he would become Hokage. Why had he never noticed her not laughing at him like all the others? Had he not noticed because he would look down at his feet when everyone laughed? She rarely talked with him but when she did it was nice and encouraging. Hinata had never hit him or called him idiot which was a startling change of pace considering his other experiences with girls.

She never lost patience with him and encouraged him. Naruto had offered training time with her when he found her at Ichiraku and she blushed heavily and said yes. She had actually explained genjutsu in a way that he understood and didn't think he was an idiot for not knowing. She definitely wasn't loud or bossy like Ino and Sakura and she didn't wear ostentatious clothing like the other girls. He preferred it that was though, Hinata was beautiful enough that she didn't need flashy clothing or jewelry to look good. She was a mystery and he couldn't stop thinking about her. He thought the way she would poke her fingers together was weird, now he thought it adorable. He was delighted when they would go on missions together because it meant spending time together. Before he knew it he loved her and she was firmly stuck in his heart.

He was horribly shy and could never work up the courage to ask. Even the idea of asking her left him red faced. Uzumaki Naruto, apprenticed to Jiraiya the toad sage sannin, frog summoner, future toad sage and future guardian of the toad summoning contract, savior of wave, moons, shadow and Konoha countries, defeated Garaa, targeted by Akatsuki, demon container of the Kyuubi; master of the Rasengan and shadow clones, Is afraid to ask a girl out on a date. Go figure.

Naruto is never a coward if he can help it so he was coming around to gathering his courage and asking Hinata out. So of course the universe in all of its vindictive glory decides to make Sasuke defect from Konoha.

That mission had really left him rattled and filled with self doubt. Yet Hinata had came to the hospital and said he did well and that she was sure he would be better next time. Just Hinata being around was enough but her confidence in him made him bursting with happiness. Realizing he needed to get stronger Naruto had resolved to track down pervy sage and beg for training. No sooner had he thought that when Jiraiya made his vow unnecessary by showing up on the back on Gamabunta's younger brother in the dead of night by the hospital and offered to be Naruto's master in an apprenticeship.

Of course all excitement was drained from Naruto when Jiraiya not so tactfully explained that Akatsuki wouldn't remain dormant for much longer. Sooner or later they will come to kidnap him, drain the demon from his body killing him in the process and leave it to rot for maggots to devour without a second thought. Naruto had to leave Konoha on a two and a half year training trip to become strong enough to avoid that grisly fate and he would never get to ask Hinata out. Naruto was unhappy at the fact that he could not in good conscience tell Hinata his feelings and expect her to wait if she shared his feelings. Naruto was happy to get training and the chance to become strong enough to bring Sasuke back, but at the price of a chance with vivacious Hinata? She was attractive, pretty, and kind and other guys had to notice. In all likeliness he would come back to Konoha more than a match for Akatsuki and see he on the arm of some rich prestigious clan heir… Jerk.

Naruto had often wondered if he had somehow offended the unversed in a past life and that they had decided to have him reborn and kicked around like a helpless puppy. He had dismissed this notion as ludicrous but the moment he realized that he would have to leave Konoha for 2 and a half years leaving Hinata to fall in love with other guys, he seriously considered it possible. His parents and a chance at family had been violently killed in the same attack that led to him become a jinchuriki and spend the next 10 years in complete misery. The world was cruel he had decided.

It was warm hugging and kissing Hinata in his dream and allowing himself the illusion she loved him in his dreams; if only for a time until reality returned in the form of his waking hours of course. In a way it was cruel and tearing him apart from the insides, to have these dreams. He would temporarily get what he wanted most of all but then he would wake up with the cold stark reality that Hinata wasn't and would never be his slapped right in his face. The mere idea of Hinata not loving him made his heart burn and his throat tight. The idea of what he _knew _-not thought- knew would happen when Hinata found out that he was a jinchuriki nearly cracked his heart.

In reality Hinata was beautiful, sweet, kind, and loyal and could make him happy. So of course she was beyond his reach and would never love him because he was a jinchuriki; Demon marked and unlovable.

In reality he had few friends. He had Kiba and Akamaru, Shikamaru, Choji and Ino, Sakura, Neji and Lee, Shino, Kiba and hopefully Hinata.

His friends would spend time with him but at the end of the day would have to go home to their own families who would welcome them home and they would say 'tadaima'. And talk about their day; they would talk about new moves they had mastered, they would talk about new clothing they had gotten, they would talk about their teammates and funny things they had seen, they would talk about how happy they were to have friends and family, they would even reminisce with each other about the past. They would smile at each other, and share their food. They would argue about chores or whose turn to take out the garbage. They would spend time together and get on each others nerve and boss each other around. They kiss and make up eventually. They go to celebrations and family events together happy with holidays. They at least knew the names of their parents and if their parents were married.

Everyone was happy because they weren't lonely and they had each other.

Whereas Naruto…

Naruto would go home to nothing... would have no one to say 'welcome home' to him, there would be no point in saying 'tadaima', he would have no one to talk to, no one to smile at, no one to share his food with, no one to argue with about chores or whose turn to do what, no one to annoy, no one to boss him around or answer to and no one to apologize to. There would be no new years, Christmas or even valentines for him. Naruto didn't even know the names of his parents and for all he knew he could be a bastard child.

He was unhappy because he was alone and had no one.

It was just Naruto.

It really was just Naruto and its sad how quickly he had become certain that it would always be this way. He had come to think of this as a fact of life like the clouds were white and black while the birds migrated south for the winter.

In reality he would have to watch his precious Hinata get married to some rich clan heir and brag about her kids. No, wait. Not brag. Hinata would never brag because she was too charming and good natured to brag. She would **_talk_** about an accomplishment of her child with right amount of motherly pride. She would be marrying someone else nevertheless and he would be helpless to stop it. Naruto would hide his feelings, plaster on that horrible mask of a smile he had created and mastered long ago to hide his feelings, and hope he didn't burst into tears from the injustice of it all. Kami help him if he got an invitation to _her_ wedding and he had to go with a smile on. Naruto hadn't smiled a true happy smile in a long time.

He had tried giving up ridiculous childhood dreams like parents. When he was younger the idea of parents had taken hold of him and he was obsessed. Wasn't it natural though for an orphan to have this obsession, this _need_ for certain knowledge? Who was he? Who were his parents? Was he ever wanted? Didn't they have a plan in case something happened to them? Were they married happily? Or were he the drunken mistake of a one night stand his mother didn't want and he was convenient choice for a host? This idea stung most of all but the mind can be so cruel when you spend long hours of the night thinking of all possibilities. He was seven when he came up with that idea and the desire to know his parents died soon after. He dreaming of family had never brought him happiness anyways so why bother with it? He didn't know what was crueler; the idea the occurred to him when he was seven or when he was twelve and found out he was a host for the Kyuubi. He had been lying awake for quite awhile processing everything that Oji-san had told him when his mind turned back to parents for some unidentifiable reason...

**0o0o0o0o0o**

_"Why did you create the law about me old man?" eyes wide and still slightly shocked from the explanation the Sandaime's had given to him. Naruto was so incredibly young and was having last ditch efforts by hoping some people would jump out of a closet and shout something like "you're a gullible sucker to fall for that one kid". No one did and Naruto was forced to accept the horrible truth._

_"Because I wanted you to grow up happy and treated normal Naruto. I wanted to make sure you had friends and people who cared about you." His gruff old voice was tired and even older than he was; his eyes filled with… pity? Naruto didn't want pity. But he didn't have a choice did he? No. He never did. It was always someone else making decisions for him. Always someone else. _

**0o0o0o0o0o**

_"I wanted to make sure you had friends and people who cared about you" _which meant to Naruto's young mind that being the Kyuubi host meant you wouldn't be loved if anyone knew about the Kyuubi. Upon further reflection he found this idea to make more and more sense. Hadn't every adult and teenager old enough to know about the Kyuubi's fate made it clear they detested and hated his very existence simply because he was a host for the Kyuubi? Which meant every person who didn't know before and liked him would hate him once they did find out. The more he thought about it the more convinced he was. It's why Hinata knowing about the Kyuubi terrified him so much after all.

The old man never had told him about his parents no matter how much he begged when he was little. Naruto asked for even the smallest bit of information like whether he looked anything like them. The Sandaime would just smile sadly, chuckle and say:

**_0o0o0o0o_**

_"I'll tell you when you're older Naruto." _

**_A few minutes later_**_. _

_"Am I older yet Oji-san? Please? I want to what they were like!"_

**_He chuckles._**_ "No, Naruto. You'll have to be **much** older than that". _

**0o0o0o0o**

But Sarutobi never did tell Naruto anything about his parents. He would just laugh, as if it was funny Naruto didn't know his parents and say something like "when you're older Naruto." "Another time perhaps Naruto". Eventually it didn't matter to Naruto that he was twelve without parents and now fifteen. Old man third was dead and Naruto didn't have any interest in parents anymore. Naruto had raised himself from the scared, helpless little boy in the orphanage to what he was now. Besides, even if he was interested in knowing his parents names only Sarutobi Hiruzen knew who his parents were. That information died the day Orochimaru killed him.

Parents… they were really an unimaginable and strange concept. They didn't exist for Naruto. To him parent was folklore, sort of like the boogeyman under your bed or ghost stories. Other kids had them and talked about them. They were things he never had and couldn't imagine having. He thought of all his friends back in Konoha as family but that was the closest he had.

So why had Naruto been laying in bed, unable to sleep still trying to process the idea his body contained the first and most powerful malevolent entity within his body, suddenly struck by an idea of why the third Hokage never said anything about his parents? He hadn't thought about his childhood dreams in years of some faceless lady coming to get him from school and walk him home or a cool guy calling him 'son', offering to train him. It was simple but it made sense to his mind. Naruto had been told they died when he was born on the day of the attack. So why wouldn't the old man tell him anything? They were dead so what was wrong in telling him anything? What if his parents were alive but just didn't want the "Demon child" for a son so they left him behind and left Konoha? This idea also brought him pain so once again he swiftly discarded the childish dreams of parents once more.

Naruto was five and a half when he left the orphanage. He was living on the streets by then. He had been rescued from the orphanage and the old man had ordered someone to help Naruto get an apartment. No one did and Sarutobi didn't know until Naruto was eight. So Naruto lived on the streets. The streets were hard places to live and it was no place for babies Naruto had decided. So he grew up a little at least. He gave up wishing. **That was for weak that weren't willing to work hard for what they wanted.** He gave up dreams for the most part. **They were nice but they didn't get him food. **He gave up hope and opted for sheer stubborn determination.** Hope was more like a passive version of wishing and was really just a lazy version of wishing where you didn't even acknowledge that you were wasting time in dreamland**. Naruto had forbidden himself from crying or feeling sorry for himself when he turned five. If he did burst into tears those would be the first tears he had allowed himself in eleven years. He hadn't cried since he was five years old. There were a few close calls when he had nearly cried but had managed to force them back or distract himself. Those distractions came in the form of training himself into the ground or mastering a technique. Naruto had gotten quite a few distractions from training a full two and a half years.

However returning to Konoha had made him want Hinata more than ever. And it broke his heart that he could never ask because he knew sooner or later she would know of the Kyuubi and come to hate him.. Returning to Konoha represented that heart break. It represented how lonely he would be again once he had to return to his empty apartment. At least that's what he thought at first. Naruto had promised himself he'd ask Hinata out on a date once he got back to Konoha and be as happy as he could for as long as he could until Hinata found out. Naruto knew it would hurt when she found out. Naruto lived in fear of the day the rest of the Konoha twelve found out about the Kyuubi. It was a complex with him. It terrified him. He would be alone again. Completely and irrevocably alone. '_never go back_' was what he swore to himself when he realized that team seven considered him a friend. '_I'm never ever going to go back_', to the loneliness, the empty silence that was his previous non-existence. He would do anything to keep them from finding out. He didn't care if he had to lie until they ripped out his tongue, he didn't care what he had to do but he was never going back to being alone. He was going to date Hinata and love her till she found out, that way he could have been happy for once.

Most would think of this as an unwholesome plan and a recipe for tragedy and heartbreak. Naruto agreed but as long as he managed to be happy and have the one thing he truly wanted for once, the heartbreak would be worth it. He was damaged that way. A poor self image, baggage and emotional abuse from an early age had made him damaged goods and Naruto knew it. He just thought he hid it better and would work through it himself. He also figured he was use to pain, rejection, disappointment, being stepped on, bitterly biting back tears and hiding his feelings so why not one more crack in his heart? He had already had it shattered like glass, bruised, beaten for no other reason than 'I felt like it', isolated and trodden on more times than he could count. All he had ever wanted since he fell in love with Hinata was Hinata and her love. It wasn't so unreasonable to get some amount of affection from her was it? As long as he was on his was to a hellish eternity of loneliness, and pain he might as well try to be happy during the journey. He had sworn never to go back and while he might get to keep the Dubbed "Konoha twelve" as his friends he would loose Hinata and would never know the joys of fatherhood.

He was a week's travel from Konoha and he would soon be asking Hinata out. Eventually she would find out. Ero-sennin had been trying to convince him that the Konoha twelve would not hate him because of the Kyuubi. Perhaps he would try to convince Baa-chan that she should tell Hinata. How stupid really. Naruto knew better. Akira had proved him right. But for now he was content with the illusions his dreams provided; that Hinata loved him and all was happy.

Of course no one can really escape reality for long and it was to the blinding light of early morning and ero-sannin snoring that Naruto woke up to. Looking around he saw the fire had gone out. The rocks surrounding it were covered in ashy, blackened scorch marks. The birds were singing. His sleeping back was warm and as he sat up part of it fell off, he regretted doing so. It was damned cold this morning. Squinting Naruto looked at the sun to find out what time it was. Surprised to find out that it was seven o'clock Naruto was dismayed to find out he had slept way in. standing up, dropping the sleeping bag, he ignored the shivers and got dress hastily. He retied on his forehead protector and glanced over to the perverted hermit.

_He's still sleeping?_ Naruto thought with chagrin. _How am I going to get any training or at least some travel time on the road if the lecherous lazy ass is still asleep?_ Considering his options Naruto opted for a hit and run option. Naruto put on his shoes because was going to need them very, **_very _**soon. Grinning his mischievous evil grin from ear to ear, Naruto readied himself. Rearing back his leg Naruto aimed and kicked hard for the unfortunate soft back side of his soon to be awake teacher. Curse words and death threats poisoned the air after Naruto as he took off running with an extremely please expression on his face.

And the day had begun.

0o0o0o0o0ox0o0o0o0o0o0o

Dear readers:

Revised at last, revised at last! Hello people! I'm back, large and in charge. … lolz. Listen to me I sound like I went to a motivational camp for creative writing fat kids. But I Am in charge of at least my writing. Now why the long hiatus? There wasn't one. I would have had more chapters out by now but I got a little smart with my mom and she… er- confiscated my computer. Yes ladies and gentlemen. Make fun of me if you will. Ill admits it. I got grounded by my mommy. 4:45 Am exactly! It is way to damn early to be this excited about getting my computer but I don't give a damn because I'm celebrating my newfound writing freedoms once more. Yippie! ^_^ Ill be working on revising the next few chapters and getting around to rewriting news ones. *Giggle* I seem to be writing more angst and drama into my stories as of late. If I'm not careful pretty soon it will be like a Korean soap opera complete with identical twins and gangster fighting over each other.

Some of you might have notices I talked quite abit about Naruto's past. The reason for this is simply that Naruto's entire emotional standing, self image and mental processing is based on his past. some of you also might be concerned that I'm making him seem to dark or depressing. I'm trying to go for real and realistic emotions, thoughts, feelings, and reactions here for all of my characters. I've read stories where someone's family died and they didn't even express sadness about it. The person just writes "- feels sad. next day-" and that's it. That's all the person writes on the emotional and mental standing of the person. I want to explore why Naruto is the way he is. I want to show my take on Naruto's feelings based on his past, and not make him a retard with the emotional range of a teaspoon that kishi like making his seem as.

Sincerely hope to be updating again soon

-He will knock four times


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